I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
