Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
