i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
