i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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