Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
