We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
