Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
