I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
