my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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