Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you never un-have a 4some
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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