Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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