I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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