you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
