can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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