We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
