May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
