I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
