farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
