I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
