All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
