Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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