all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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