Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
