Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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