I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
