This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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