Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
