My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
