If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
