Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
