drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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