Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
