Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how can u be prego again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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