Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
only you would photoshop your dick
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
