The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nobody cheats on THIS.
His nipple licking is glorious
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