Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
