Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
