That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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