so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
