I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
