happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
