Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
