Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
