We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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