White coat. Heels.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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