I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
