no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
