so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
