I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
