remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
